Say what you want about gambling. It’s addictive, it’s a waste of time, the children are in danger and the terrorists will use it to launder money. I’ve heard it all. But what I haven’t heard about are the seven ways gambling can kill you suddenly.
Think it can’t happen to you?
Gambling isn’t for the faint of heart. Gambling is a rough and tumble activity that can get you killed faster than you can say “give me $200 on black and keep those rum-n-cokes coming, baby.”
7. Total heart failure
Yes, instant heart failure can hit you anywhere at any time. But in a casino, you just might catch the widow maker. If your old ticker ain’t working so well these days, the last place you want to be is a casino where fortunes can change in an instant. Win a big jackpot? Heart attack. Lose a big bet? Heart attack.
Ha, I’m just kidding. A casino is actually one of the best places in the world to have a heart attack. Casino surveillance watches everyone and casino personnel are trained in the use of defibrillators. The survival rate of heart attack victims in Las Vegas is a whopping 53%. For comparison, the Chicago survival rate is 2%.
Check number six on this page if you don’t believe me.
This one was kind of a letdown since it’s not really a good way to die in a casino. That’s why it’s ranked at number seven. The rest of these tips will be more on target.
6. Catch a slug in an underground poker game
Underground poker games are actually pretty dangerous sometimes. I’m not talking about Joe’s $5 freezeout beerfest every Friday, but actual underground poker games with real money. Thanks to the insane prohibition on poker, many law abiding citizens have to play in unlicensed poker games.
Unlicensed poker games aren’t subject to the same security standards as Las Vegas gambling resorts. So you never really know what you’re going to see at a new underground poker game. People like to rob these games precisely because they are illegal. So the next time you find yourself looking down the business end of a sawed off shotgun, you can thank yourself for answering that Craigslist ad last week.
PS – Poker isn’t gambling; it’s a game of skill. But it’s close enough for this article.
5. Fail to gamble online and get robbed
Going to a brick-and-mortar casino is a gamble all in itself. Not only do you have to avoid head-on confrontations with semi-trucks, but you also have to walk across dark parking lots with wads of money. Unfortunately, people do get robbed in and around casinos all the time.
Do you remember Greg “Fossilman” Raymer? He achieved widespread fame after winning the 2004 World Series of Poker. Just a year later, he got attacked by two guys with guns right outside his hotel room (at the Bellagio of all places). Greg was lucky enough to fight them off and live another day, but this just goes to show that online gambling is the only way to go.
4. Meet a nice loan shark
Gambling will get you killed real quick if you go into debt with the wrong people. Loan sharks are the people who give undocumented loans to people who can’t get money anywhere else. In many cases, gambling addicts resort to borrowing money from shady characters.
Not only is it a bad life strategy to associate with shady characters, but it’s doubly bad to go into debt with them. Fail to pay up that money and you’ll catch a beating if you’re lucky. If you’re not lucky, you won’t have to worry about paying back anything ever again.
3. Win the lottery
Lottery winners have it bad. I’m sure you’ve heard that most lottery winners go broke after a certain number of years. There have even been TV shows and interviews in which former lottery winners admit to wishing they never would have won the lottery at all.
And yes, people are frequently murdered after winning the lottery. I don’t want to link to any specific news stories and trivialize the loss of anyone’s life, but you can do a Google News search for “lottery murder” and find plenty of stories yourself. This one is no joke.
The video above is a little more tame, but still scary stuff if you ask me.
2. Get caught in the middle of a biker war
Get your hog and hit the wide open desert roads that lead to Las Vegas. Something about the shimmering horizon and burning sunsets just makes you want to stab a man. One more random way to die is to get caught up in the middle of a Las Vegas biker war.
Although biker gangs usually do a pretty good job at keeping things civil, you better watch out if a couple rival gangs start eyeing each other. The following video is security footage from a brawl between the Hells Angels and Mongols in Laughlin Nevada.
1. Grab a bunch of chips and run
Casinos don’t like to be robbed, so one of the best ways to die suddenly and without warning, is to grab a bunch of chips and run like hell for the nearest exist. Casino security isn’t as quick to shoot today as they were in years past, but you can easily remedy that by reaching into your pocket when someone tries to stop you.
Tagged with: safety