I’m here today to tell you that online gambling is downright evil. It’s the plague of society and I’m sad to see that people are actually considering making it legal to play real money casino games from the comfort of home. At the very least, you should have to drive somewhere if you wish to participate in this foul activity.
I don’t understand how exactly all this world wide nonsense works, but I know we need to start blocking them intertubes and watching what our citizens view. This is especially the case with online gambling. It’s a dirty business on the same level as brothels and crack dens.
1. Because online gambling is the devil
It’s a moral issue. Gambling is evil and we all know that gambling is pretty much the same thing as worshipping Satan. And we also know that the US government was created to not only protect life, liberty and property, but to also legislate morality according to some religions but not others.
It doesn’t matter if you or your religion has no problem with online gambling; the government knows better than you the difference between right and wrong. Look at all the good things our government has done for us in the past. And you actually think you can determine right from wrong by yourself?
Even the billionaire casino mogul Sheldon Adelson is morally opposed to online gambling. This guy has made literally billions of dollars serving casino games to gambling degenerates around the world and even HE knows how evil online gambling is.
2. Prohibition is highly effective
Anyone who knows a little history knows that prohibition works every time. The prohibition of online gambling is sure to work. People will not find ways to gamble, rogue companies will not set up shop overseas and we will not have to worry about some sort of black market opening up for online gambling. This has never happened in the past.
Also, look at what prohibition did for drugs and alcohol. Remember Al Capone? Well, I don’t see him around anymore. And look at how many people we have in prison today thanks to drug prohibition. Looks like we’re catching all the bad guys if you ask me.
3. We have to protect the kids
Underage gambling has become a huge problem in countries that have legalized and regulated online gambling. Look at the UK. Did you see all those riots over there a couple of summers back? My guess is it was all the kids going crazy and needing their gambling fix.
Online banking, online credit card applications, online shopping, online horse race betting and online pornography are all legally available in the US, but online gambling is a whole other story. Kids are going to flock to it and there is no way gambling sites can verify identities, ask for driver’s licenses, require banking information, enable parents to block their kids or anything else of that nature.
4. Everyone is going to become a gambling addicted psycho
Do you really want to live in a society where the only thing someone needs to do to gamble is turn on their computer? No, of course not. We need to at least make these people drive 30 miles to the casino, get free drinks all night and then drive home again. The computer just makes it too easy for addicts to get their fix.
Just look at what happened in the UK after they legalized online gambling in 2006. That country’s economy is in the shitter. I keep hearing about how bankers have been making bad “bets” that got them and all their neighbors into financial trouble lately. Online gambling has nearly ruined the UK. It is impossible for online casinos to allow self-exclusion programs or monitor customer accounts for signs of problem gambling.
5. We have plenty of extra money to spend on gambling enforcement
The United States has an unlimited supply of money that it pulls out of thin air. This means we have plenty of money to spend on keeping these gambling crooks off our streets. We can either take FBI agents away from murder cases and have them investigate gambling or we can hire a bunch of new agents to keep track of online gambling in the US.
Both options are fine with me. As long as we keep these psychos locked up for a long time, I’m happy. The last thing we need is a bunch of online gamblers running loose.
6. We do not need the tax benefit of online gambling
Did you even read #5? We have plenty of money in the US. We do not need any more tax revenue. It has been estimated that if taxed, online gambling could bring in up to $42 billion for the US government over the next 10 years. But don’t let those big numbers fool you ; the US has plenty of money to pay for all of its obligations. This is just overkill.
Plus, it is estimated that more than 30,000 new jobs would be created if online gambling was legalized in the United States. Can you imagine what it would be like to have another 30,000 gambling fiends running around, working and having money to spend on whatever they want? It would be chaos.
7. We need to give other countries a chance
Other countries aren’t very smart. We need to give them a chance. Hundreds of billions of dollars in online poker and gambling income flows to other countries right now. If we were to open competition here in the United States, our superior online casinos would take all that profit. Then what would those other people do? Sell bananas on the side of the road?
Besides, we don’t really need that kind of money here in the United States. We have everything we need right here. And if you ever run out of something, our government will take care of it for you. There’s a reason we have subprime mortgages, welfare, social security and some kind of fancy new universal healthcare plan.
8. Online gambling exploits stupid people
In 2009, Chad Hills from Focus on the Family said that online gambling exploits the weaknesses of others. He also worried that online gambling would make it too easy for gamblers to develop an addiction and go into bankruptcy. He didn’t have any research on hand and he didn’t cite any sources for this information, but I believe him. He’s from a cuddly sounding group that focuses on the family, so he can’t be wrong.
The fact is, most people are lucky just to get their shoes on the right feet. They will just log on, deposit all their money and go bankrupt. “Click your mouse, lose your house” as the old saying goes. With all the illegal online poker and gambling going on in the USA already, look at how many people have lost their houses. I remember reading a while back that home foreclosures were at all-time highs across the nation. Why? Gambling.
9. Online gambling funds terrorism
Online gambling is a great way to launder money and fund terrorism. If Osama Bin Laden’s nephew (or whoever is in charge now) needs to send a couple million over to his associate in Yemen, all he needs to do is log onto PokerStars, purposely lose money to his buddy in Yemen, avoid PokerStars’ collusion detection systems and bam, his friend now has a couple million ready to blow shit up.
If we legalized and regulated online gambling, it would be impossible for the banking industry or poker sites to know their customers, notice suspicious activity or report large deposits and withdrawals. None of that stuff happens in other industries that involve large sums of money, and it definitely doesn’t happen in live casinos.
10. We need more laws on the books
Only 40,000 new state laws were introduced to the American justice system at the beginning of 2012. Why do you think we are enacting so many new laws at such a fast rate? It’s because we are short on laws. I don’t know who was asleep at the wheel lately, but it’s clear we are playing catch-up here.
If states are that low on laws, just imagine how bad it looks at the federal level. We need to pass more laws and restrict citizens even more. Most people do not know how to act in an intelligent, self-serving manner. We have to tell them how to act and keep them in line. That’s how it’s been since the beginning of civilization and that’s how it always will be.
It’s come to my attention that New Jersey, Nevada and Delaware now have legal online gambling and poker sites. I’m sure any day now we’ll hear about the gambling addict zombie apocalypse that everyone has been predicting for so many years now. Surely, those doomsayers couldn’t possibly have been wrong.
Tagged with: crime